Rating - NC-17
Pairings - Major pairings: Angelus/William, Angelus/Darla, William/Darla. Minor pairings are various combinations of those six.
Keywords/Warnings: Found in some but not all chapters: Het and Slash Smut, Violence, Bloodplay, Torture, Rape. As you see by the pairings, I'm firmly of the opinion that as vampires, Angelus and William would have had a physical (sexual) relationship. If you don't agree, don't read this series.
Summary: This is my take on William's past, starting with being turned by Angelus, in 1880. I try to stick as close as possible to the timeline as given us by Joss Whedon where possible, but most of this is all my ideas, my attempts to "fill-in-the-blanks."
Dedications: To CrazyEvilDru, my beta and my favorite Buffy-Fic author in this world. She got me into writing smut, and then encouraged me in my first attempt at writing m/m smut, the first story of this series.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Three days later
Angelus was sitting downstairs with Darla. They had made themselves comfortable in the den as they waited for sunset. Darla was curled up against him as he stared into the fire he'd made. He was contemplating the current situation, while trying not to act distracted around his sire.
It had been a week since that night Darla had tortured William for fifteen hours straight. William had begun to move around the house in the last two days with Drusilla's assistance. Things were still tense between William and the older two vampires, but so far the boy was behaving, at least technically. He didn't argue or fight with Angelus or Darla, but only because he didn't put himself in situations where that would happen. The only member of the family he was clearly comfortable around and spent time with willingly was Dru.
Quite willingly, if the previous night had been any indication.
//////
Angelus entered Will's room in the pre-dawn hours, as he had every day that week. He expected the boy to be asleep, and had simply wanted to check on him. He was surprised to discover, however, that William *was* awake, as was Drusilla. He didn't have to ask why, he could see the reasons for it himself.
Dru sank down onto Spike's cock, whimpering as she did. "Spike...."
Spike gasped and clutched at her hips. "Yeah, that's it, Luv." he moaned. "Nice and slow, that's so good."
He stiffened as he caught the scent of their visitor. Drusilla noticed too, but he pulled her head down for a kiss. He wouldn't give Angelus the pleasure of acknowledging his presence. He didn't bloody well care if the bastard wanted to watch. His sire might as well watch, since Angelus would never *have* him again, not willingly.
What better way to prove that point, than to ignore him completely?
He guided Drusilla's hips up and down, groaning. He'd finally healed enough to be with her. Just a few fading bruises remained here and there. She'd been so thrilled when he hadn't pushed her away tonight like he'd had to previous nights.
She began to squeeze his cock as she picked up the pace, rising up and slamming back down on him again. He caught the scent of their desire in the room, along with the arousal of their sire. He tried to push that out of his mind, however. Angelus didn't matter.
His mind wouldn't stick to that opinion, however. He closed his eyes and saw his sire, above him, felt him inside his body. "No," he muttered and opened his eyes, fixing them on Drusilla again. He ran his hands up her body to her breasts, squeezing them and playing with her nipples.
She purred and smiled down at him, moving faster. "Yes, Spike," she moaned, throwing her head back and panting for breath.
Angelus watched, entranced, as his two childer became completely lost in their passion. His view from the corner of the room gave him a profile view of both of them, and it was an erotic sight to say the least. He was hard, so hard it was painful.
He wanted to be inside Will, caressing and kissing him as Dru was doing now. He wanted to be the one making his boy whimper and groan. He wished it were *his* name that Will cried out, his head thrown back and his eyes squeezed shut as he arched off the bed in his moment of climax.
Angelus closed his eyes and saw the way it was *supposed* to be. Will was lying underneath him, looking up at him with so much desire. He clutched at him desperately and gasped his name, as he took him inside his body, over and over again.
"DRUSILLA!"
The fantasy was shattered. Angelus opened his eyes with a sigh. When he looked over at his two childer, he was surprised to find Will staring back at him. The expression on his face was unmistakable. 'It's her I want. Not you. Never you. Never again.'
Angelus frowned and left without a word. *We'll just see about that.*
//////
Angelus held back a sigh as Darla continued chattering about... something. He hadn't been paying attention to her. He'd tried to act as if he were, while his brain was busy working on a plan to get Will to spend more time with him. If only he could do that, he'd be able to get his boy to the point where he wanted to be with him again.
This in and of itself was an extreme difficulty. William had made it clear he wanted nothing to do with either Angelus or Darla. As much as possible, he stayed away from them. If he was forced to spend time with them, he would remain stubbornly silent, only speaking when spoken to. On those occasions, Angelus didn't miss the way Will glared at Darla when she wasn't looking. When *he* wasn't looking, he also felt those eyes on him. When Angelus looked up, he'd see that William was lost in thought, probably not even realizing he was looking at him. There was anger and pain in his expression and Angelus wondered in those moments what the boy was thinking about.
For Angelus' part, he had, so far, let William be. Other than his nightly visits to Will's room to check on him, which neither he nor Will spoke about, he kept his distance. He wanted his childe to recover, and as long as Will appeared to be doing that, Angelus left him alone.
Angelus realized that Darla had given up on conversation. She was still curled up against him, but was reading. He was grateful for the relief from playing the game he'd played the past week. He was tired of being so attentive, obedient and affectionate, when his true affections toward her hadn't returned. He hid this change in his feelings, however. He had to, because if she learned the truth, she'd blame William for it.
And he wouldn't let her hurt his childe again.
As he sat there, he looked into the fireplace again. He could swear he saw his childe's face, staring at him. And in the eyes was the expression he'd seen far too often, the expression he'd even *dreamed* about, lately. Anger, disappointment, feelings of betrayal... most of all, hatred.
The memory of that hatred was what stuck with Angelus. As he stared into the fire, the hatred he'd seen for days in his boy's eyes was burned into his mind. Temporary bouts of anger were to be expected from childer, especially young ones who hadn't yet learned to submit. But hate, especially from Will was incredibly disturbing The boy had always adored Angelus. Even if he'd fought hard against their bond, nothing had broken it in the past. Angelus had *always* been able to win his affections again, no matter what had happened, and he'd thought he'd be able to do that again. There had been moments in the past week when he'd been sure he'd seen traces of the old need and desire in his childe's blue eyes, and that had been enough to give him hope that things would again return to the way they'd been before.
But now he wasn't so sure of that. He'd begun to doubt he'd ever seen anything other than hatred in his boy's expression. Perhaps the need and desire he'd thought he'd seen had merely been wishful thinking. And if that was the case, then maybe he *couldn't* get Will back. Perhaps it was impossible. And that realization bothered him more than it should have.
*******
Spike watched Dru as she got dressed and ready for going hunting again with Angelus and Darla. He hated staying at home and depending on others for food, but it was necessary. After a week, the physical pain had begun to lessen but the emotional pain hadn't. He wanted, with all his heart, to just hate his sire and Darla. And most of the time he did. There were moments when he barely controlled the urge to catch them off-guard and see them crumble to dust.
But those feelings of anger and betrayal fought with other more complicated feelings. One of those annoying feelings was confusion over whether his sire really *did* hate him. The older vampire was impossible to read. At times indifferent, other times... acting almost worried and regretful. His nightly visits to Spike's room only made his confusion grow. It kept the possibility in his mind that Angelus *did* care. The other feeling he tried to deny was his own regret. He wished at times that he had done things differently so that that night he tried to forget wouldn't have happened. He missed his sire, regardless of the things that he'd done to him. And on occasion, he even still wanted him.
He tried not to think about those feelings, however. When he did, felt like he was being pulled into pieces, the side of him that hated his sire, warring against the side of him that still wanted him.
"My Spike," Drusilla sat next to him. "Don't be sad."
"I'm just gonna miss you, Luv," Spike replied with a smile, pulling her close. Even though that hadn't been the actual cause of his mood, it was still the truth. He didn't feel like talking about Angelus, anyway, and certainly not to Dru. He'd noticed that she didn't seem capable of anger toward heir sire. She always assumed that whatever Angelus did, must have been deserved. It wasn't her fault that her mind was so gone, but he sometimes wished he could talk to someone sane about the emotions he was dealing with.
"I'll be back, silly boy," she replied with a grin and then kissed him.
"That's good," Spike said. "'Cuz you're the reason I stick around here, Pet." He kissed her, and repeated, "The *only* one."
**************
Angelus looked up as Maria, one of the vampire servants, walked in. She handed Darla a letter. "Mistress, this came for you, delivered by one of The Master's men," she said.
"The Master?" Darla frowned as she took it. "I've not heard from him for two years."
*And what a wonderful two years they've been,* Angelus mused. He truly hated the shriveled up creature that passed for Darla's sire. He'd hoped the thing had finally just crumbled into dust. Apparently that had been too much to hope for.
"He wants to see me, Angelus," Darla said. "And Drusilla too. He hopes she might have something to tell him--"
"She doesn't see on demand, Darla," Angelus said, not bothering to hide the irritation he felt on being confronted with yet another problem. *I have enough to deal with, with William. I'm not in the mood for demands being placed on us by that creature who calls himself my grand-sire.* "And I've told you before, I have no intention of taking Dru anywhere *near* him again! Once was the deal, if you recall. One visit, to present my new childe. That was more than enough; have you forgotten how disturbed she was after that? It was a good MONTH before she was coherent again. I don't care if you want to risk that again; I damn well don't. She's been tolerable since William returned to us, why should we do something we know will change that?! Besides, she is *my* childe, not his little play thing, no matter what title he gives himself! It's my decision what happens to her and the answer is: NO way in hell!"
Darla frowned. Her childe could be so possessive at times that it was maddening. It wasn't even like he *cared* the slightest bit for Drusilla. He just didn't want The Master playing with her. "Don't be silly, Angelus," she said calmly. "You know, very well, that this is *not* something to pick a fight with my sire over. He's been tolerant enough to let us be away from his court for over a hundred years. If you refuse him this little request, he may rethink that lenience. Do you *want* him to insist I return to him for good?"
"You'd do that?" Angelus asked warily.
"To keep him from sending out the others in the clan to destroy you and forcibly take me back anyway? Yes," Darla said. "My sire's a powerful demon, and it's not wise to fight him unless it's absolutely necessary. And this *isn't* one of those times it's necessary, Darling."
She noticed the scowl on Angelus' face and wondered briefly if there might be another cause for his anger, something other than jealousy over Drusilla. She grinned and leaned in to nibble at his throat as she began to unbutton his shirt. "You know I'm right about this," she whispered. Angelus groaned when she caressed his chest. She smiled against his skin. "Besides, what are you *really* upset about?" she asked as she kissed her way down his chest. "The possibility of him touching Drusilla?" She straddled his legs and slipped a hand under his waistband to stroke his rapidly hardening length. "Or the possibility of him touching *me*?"
Angelus slid his hands up under her skirts to her thighs, kneading them. "Not... a ...oh hell," he gasped when she continued to stroke him firmly. "Not a ... good... mental image to.... present to me...at the ...moment," he said in between gasps for breath.
"Hm..." Darla unfastened his pants, freeing his erection. She looked at it and continued to stroke him. She said, teasingly, "I think you're managing just fine, Darling."
Angelus' control snapped when she leaned forward and bit down on his nipple with her blunt teeth. He growled and slid his hands further up her legs to her underwear. He ripped them off her already dripping sex and grabbed her hips, slamming her down on his cock. He took her face in his hands and kissed her as he did, muffling her scream of pleasure.
Not needing any encouragement, she began to ride him. She braced her hands on his shoulders and he guided her movements with his hands on her hips. By the keening sounds she began to make, he knew that his pubic bone was hitting her clit each time she came down. She scratched her nails down his chest, drawing blood, which she then lapped up eagerly.
"Darla!" he moaned and then ducked his head to nip and suckle the skin over her jugular as he kneaded her breasts roughly.
"Yes, harder," she whimpered and he obeyed. Her hands went around to his back, squeezing and clawing at the muscles there.
After several more minutes he felt her begin to quiver around his cock, signifiying the approach of her orgasm. He bit down on her earlobe and she came hard, screaming his name. She rode out her orgasm, finally stilling and slumping against his chest. He continued to thrust up into her and closed his eyes.
Suddenly, he was in another room. In Will's bed, with nothing but the moon lighting the room. The way they both liked it. He saw his boy underneath him, writhing in ecstasy, his fingernails digging into Angelus' back. Those blue eyes met his, full of passion and desire. The vision sent Angelus into climax with a roar.
He opened his eyes and it took him a few moments to remember where he really was. He found that he was disappointed that his daydream had been just that. He was also disturbed by what had just happened, though. Of course it wasn't the first time he'd thought of someone else other than the person he was having sex with. However, it *was* the first time that Darla hadn't been able to keep his attention during one of their encounters.
He knew why she'd failed this time, though. He hadn't really *wanted* to be with her. He didn't even really mind the possibility of her leaving. But he was supposed to be, so he acted the part. He'd done what she expected, not feeling any true jealousy. Of course she could still affect him physically, which was why he'd been aroused. But she'd lost the ability to reach him on an emotional level. Even though he had assumed that his affection for Darla would return with time, it hadn't yet.
No, the fact was that as William drifted further and further from him, Angelus grew more and more indifferent toward his sire. For even though he'd been the one to inflict the most pain on his boy, he'd merely been following orders. Darla had caused the rift between him and his favorite childe. And as a result, he didn't wish to be anywhere near her.
So perhaps The Master's summons was a good thing. It would give him time to be alone with William, to try to win him back. If Darla and Drusilla weren't around to complicate things, maybe it would be easier to get through to his childe.
"So I assume you're going?" he asked Darla.
"You know I have no choice," Darla replied. "And I do hope you'll change your mind about Drusilla. She'll be fine, Darling."
"I suppose you're right," Angelus agreed, hoping he sounded hesitant and not too happy about the whole situation.
"I knew you'd see it my way," she said with a smile, moving off him and standing.
"I always do," Angelus muttered as Darla walked out of the room.
****************
The Next Day
"DON'T DO THIS!"
Angelus winced and turned to face his very angry boy. An emotion he was getting all-to-used to seeing, lately. Darla was downstairs with Drusilla; the servants were packing up the carriage. "Get control of yourself, Will, RIGHT NOW," he growled as he walked past his childe to shut the door. The last thing he needed at the moment was yet another confrontation between William and Darla.
"Don't send her away," Spike pleaded.
Angelus looked in his boy's eyes and saw the desperation there. Drusilla was the only thing left that Will cared about. And for a moment, he almost gave in. But then he came back to his senses. Darla had been right. This was not a matter to fight The Master over. Even if it would cause yet another rift between himself and William, he had no choice in the matter.
"She'll be back," he said, trying to reason with his childe. He was glad that William was taking out his frustrations here, rather than in front of Darla. At least this way, there would be no further "punishment" ordered.
"That's not what I mean!" Spike growled, trying not to think about his Drusilla in the Master's bed. He knew that would happen, though. He'd asked Dru. She told him what little her fractured mind let her remember. He'd filled in the rest of the blanks with his common sense. And he had every intention of keeping it from happening.
"William, I know it's convenient for you to think I'm just being cruel, here, but I'm not," Angelus sighed. "You know, somewhere deep down inside, that I can't stop this. I've explained all this before. The sire/childe relationship is crucial to who we are as vampires. If a sire makes a request, the childe obeys. He does NOT argue, or hesitate. And he obeys not only his sire, but those further up in the ranks of his clan, as well.
In this case, the request comes from The Master, my sire's sire. He wants Darla and Drusilla at his side. I will not reject his request, even if I wanted to. I couldn't! It is simply the way things are. I've learned to accept it, and I suggest you do the same."
"Doesn't it BOTHER you, that you you'll serve your childer up on a silver platter in a moment, to whoever you think is important??" William asked. He laughed, harshly, "No, I suppose it doesn't. You didn't make childer, you made whores."
Angelus backhanded him. "You have no clue what you're talking about, Boy. If you were a whore, I'd let the minions and servants have their way with you. You don't even *realize* how good you've got it! Go ask one of the minions and maybe you'll get a clue. Until then, get a grip on your emotions and do *NOT* cross Darla before they leave. That's an order."
Spike clenched his hands at his sides, seething with rage. Even though he had the undeniable urge to lash out physically, he knew he wasn't healed enough to last more than fifteen seconds in a fist-fight. Somehow, he controlled himself enough to turn and walk away.
He knew the only way to stop Dru from this would be to take Drusilla and run. But he knew instinctively that Dru would never leave willingly. She was too attached to her sire, even though Spike neither understood the attachment nor liked it very much. So he returned to his room, rather than to risk running into Darla. He grudgingly admitted that Angelus was right about his not needing to provoke her. He locked the door, because he didn't want company. He wanted to be left alone. Hopefully for the next three weeks. He watched the preparations from his window and finally the carriage pulling away. He realized that he wouldn't see Drusilla again for nearly a month and it made him want to hit something again.
*And I'm stuck here with my bastard of a sire.* He wasn't sure he could take nearly a month alone with the older vampire. He went back to his bed and sat against the headboard. He picked up the book he'd been reading and tried to lose himself in it.
Some time later, Spike looked up in response to a knock on the door. "What," he muttered.
Philippe called through the door. "Master William," he said, "Master Angelus is asking for you."
"Tell 'im I'm busy," Spike growled.
There was silence as Philippe hesitated for a moment, probably unhappy to have to pass that message on to Angelus. After a moment though, he called, "Yes, Master William."
Spike heard the footsteps as the other vampire left again. He knew Angelus wouldn't take his refusal well. He didn't care, though. There wasn't much he cared about anymore, other than Drusilla. She'd been the only one to worry about him and help him this past week. *Come to think of it, that's another reason to hate Angelus. He made Drusilla, the only bloody one of 'em I can stand, leave. And I'm not accepting his bloody excuses either. All his stupid vampire rules and regulations can just go to hell. I'm sick of all of 'em!*
Angelus hadn't been shocked to hear that William wouldn't be coming out of his room willingly. He'd not expected that winning back the boy's affections would be *that* simple. But Angelus wasn't the type to give up when faced with a challenge and this childe had always been just that.
He went to William's room and knocked.
"Don't suppose you'd go away, if I asked nicely," William growled through the door.
"Good guess," Angelus replied. He tried the doorknob and growled, "Unlock the door, Will." He waited, as William thought about that request. A good five minutes passed, and he contemplated kicking in the door. *Patience* he told himself. After another minute, just as he was about to knock the door in anyway, he heard the click of the lock. He took a deep, hopefully calming breath and then opened the door. Will was standing a few feet away, his arms crossed in front of him. He had been glaring at the door, but as his sire walked in, he scowled at the floor instead.
Spike avoided his sire's gaze. "I'm-"
"--busy," Angelus finished with a nod as he walked into the room. "So I heard." He sat in a chair by the window. "I had dinner brought to us tonight, so we could spend some time together."
Spike frowned over at his sire. Angelus was looking out the window, apparently oblivious to the reality that Spike didn't want to spend any time with him. Either that or-- "I suppose it doesn't matter that I don't care to even *think* about you, much less *see* you..." Angelus looked over at him with a raised eyebrow. Apparently Spike's second guess had been correct. He sighed and walked to the bed, and sat down. He had three more weeks of this to look forward to? He'd go insane before it was over.
Angelus watched William as he was so clearly struggling with so many conflicting emotions. He wished he could take away some of the pain his boy was feeling. Not the physical pain, since he was healing well, as far as Angelus could tell. The cuts and bruises were fading and would soon be gone completely. But the emotional scars remained and Angelus didn't want to see those anymore. He didn't really mind William's defiant attitude all that much, because it proved that Darla hadn't broken him, as Angelus had feared at first. But something else of his boy had disappeared and hadn't returned: the smile that had once lit up the room and the light that had been in his eyes when he was truly happy. And those were things Angelus sorely missed.
He stood and walked to the bed. He sat next to William and said, "I'm glad to see you're healing."
"Are you?" Spike asked, glaring at him.
"How many times do I have to tell you that I hate what she did to you?" Angelus asked with a sigh.
"How many TIMES?!" Spike yelled, jumping to his feet. "Gee, I dunno, Angelus. How many bleeding times did you BEAT me?! How many SCARS did you let that.... her give me?! How many times did you RAPE me?! HOW MANY TIMES DID I BEG YOU TO STOP IT ALL?! Figure all that out and then you'll KNOW how many times you'll have to tell me anything BEFORE I'LL EVER BELIEVE YOU AGAIN!"
Angelus sat there, stunned, unable to think of a response. The simple fact of the matter was that he had never been faced with such a predicament, before. He'd never been confronted with so much rage, at least not rage that he felt was justified. As he was contemplating the problem, they were interrupted by a knock on the door. He got up to answer it.
Phillippe stood at the door. "Master Angelus, your... dinner... is here."
Angelus nodded and the other vampire retreated again. He turned back to Spike, who appeared to have gotten control of his emotions again. Angelus decided it was best to ignore the earlier outburst. "I had the minions find a couple of whores and bring them back. They're waiting in my room."
"Let's go then," Spike replied shortly. He was half-amazed he hadn't been beaten to a bloody mess for daring to confront Angelus the way he had. And as little as he wanted to be anywhere near his sire, he *was* hungry. *Might as well get this over with so I can get away from him again quickly.* He decided.
"All right," Angelus agreed and preceded him to his room. Outside the door, he heard his boy stumble and turned back to grab him. But William swatted his hand away and braced himself against the wall to right himself.
"Don't need your help," Spike snapped. "Never did, never will."
Angelus frowned but backed off. He turned to his door and opened it. The two women were sitting on his bed. One was a blonde and the other a red-head, as Angelus had requested. "Good evening, Ladies," he said smoothly as he and Will walked inside.
"Oh now this is gonna be more fun than we first thought," the blonde said. She walked up to Angelus with a smile. "You never know, of course, what you're gonna get. But you're quite the handsome one. The young one too."
Angelus grinned. "And you'll do just fine for our needs, as well," he replied as he grabbed her around the waist, holding her close. He leaned in and kissed her, hard, then nibbled his way down to her neck. She moaned and he smiled. It was always too easy.
He looked up to see that William was sitting with the red-head and had already started feeding from her. Apparently he wasn't in the mood to play with his prey tonight. This was fine with Angelus, he had more important things on his mind for the evening. Most having to do with William and getting the boy over his hatred. However, William looked up at him then. The coldness in the boy's eyes was unnerving, and Angelus looked away again.
He tore into the blonde's neck with his fangs and she whimpered but he held her tightly to him. He sucked at the wound, drinking down the blood which spurted into his mouth. Once he'd drained her, he dropped the body, looking over to William again.
Spike drank, glaring at Angelus as he did, imagining he was killing Angelus and not this human. When he'd drained her, he shoved her off the bed. He felt slightly better, but he became aware again that he was alone with his sire, in his room. He didn't want to be there. It brought back too many memories, of times when he'd been far more naiive and actually happy.
He had to get out of there, NOW.
He rose and walked to the door. He was surprised when Angelus let him leave. He realized then that he'd actually hoped his sire *would* stop him. That revelation sickened him, that he still wanted some sign from the older vampire that he was wanted.
He went back to his room and locked the door again, though he knew that a simple lock wouldn't keep Angelus out. He wondered if that thought *should* have given him the little thrill of excitement that it did.
Angelus let the boy leave. He had always read his childe's emotions perfectly and that was still the case now. However, up til now, he'd also always known just how to act to get Will over whatever was bothering him and promptly into bed. But he didn't know how to make that happen tonight, not when he knew the depth of William's rage. He called up Philippe and ordered him to dispose of the bodies. Then he went to William's room again.
He wasn't surprised to find the door locked. He wasn't in the mood to request admittance again, however. Damn patience, it sure as hell wasn't getting him anywhere. He kicked the door open, making a mental note to get a servant to fix it later. William jumped at the sound but didn't turn toward his sire. He was sitting in a chair, staring out the window.
"I'm not going to let you sit here and sulk, Will," Angelus said firmly.
"Go to Hell," Spike growled, refusing to even look over at Angelus.
Angelus realized then that breaking down the door had only widened the distance between them even further. He'd done exactly what Will had expected, what the boy had goaded him into. He restrained himself from reacting angrily again, knowing it was only what William wanted, to turn this into a fight. *Maybe it's easier for him, to fight me rather than accept that he still might feel something for me.* he considered. He wouldn't play that game anymore.
He walked over to his childe and laid a hand on his arm. "William--"
Spike jumped to his feet and backed up a few feet. "Don't bloody TOUCH me! I don't *want* to see you, I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to hear your damn VOICE, so go find someone else to torment!" He turned away, but Angelus grabbed him by the arm and turned him back. "WHAT! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" Spike screamed.
"Will, calm down," Angelus replied softly.
"Calm DOWN?!" Spike repeated, turning to glare at him. "Is that another *order*, Sire?" He asked with a sneer. "Because I'd hate to disobey, in *that* case, since we all know what happens in this house when your bloody precious *orders* are ignored."
Angelus growled. "Yes, as a matter of fact, it is an order. I'm your sire and I'm sick of your little tantrums. Don't mistake my recent lenience toward you for being soft. I know you're trying to work through your anger, which is why I've allowed your outbursts. But since they're obviously not getting us anywhere, I'm telling you to get hold of yourself and stop acting like a child. If you want to deal with what you're upset about, we can discuss it like mature adults, but I won't get into a fight with you, just so you can feel justified in your rage."
"DISCUSS IT?!" Spike yelled. "Discuss WHAT?! I know what you did to me. YOU know what you did to me. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ELSE IS THERE TO DISCUSS?!" He screamed, pushing Angelus away forcefully.
Angelus stumbled back, but held his temper. He noted the fury in his childe's eyes, mixed with complete and total devastation, and felt a twinge of sadness in response. He didn't know how to take away Will's pain but he wanted to, more than he'd ever wanted anything before in his entire existence. He also felt hope too at that moment, because for the first time since the punishment he saw something other than anger and hatred in his childe's expression. And that meant there was a possibility he could get through to Will.
"William, I know you're angry with me," he said softly. "But you know why I did what I did. You *know* I had *no* choice but to submit to my sire. I swear, I didn't think she would go as far as she did. I didn't know how much she resented you. If I had known, I wouldn't have let her near you. I... I *am* sorry for what she did to you... what she made me do to you," he admitted.
"Oh, you're sorry? Well, that just makes everything okay now, doesn't it?" Spike retorted with a humorless laugh.
Will's sarcasm was wearing thin. Angelus was overcome with the urge to beat it out of him, but another idea came to mind. A much better one. He stepped closer and pulled the younger vampire to him. He grabbed the back of his head and kissed him. The boy shoved him away angrily, catching him off guard, and Angelus growled and grabbed him again, one arm tightly around his waist and the other hand gripping his hair. This time he wouldn't let Will go. He kissed him, gently, trying to coax a response out of him.
At first, Will fought, pushing and trying desperately to get free. But then....nothing. He went completely limp, once he realized he wouldn't get away. But while there was no more struggling, there was also no submission. He didn't respond to the kiss in any way.
Angelus pulled away, once he realized that his plan wasn't working either.
"You can't kiss me and make it all better," Spike said angrily. "Besides, I don't give a damn *what* you say, you're *not* sorry. You're *never* sorry, for anything you do. And so what if you weren't the one who wanted to beat me that night?" he asked. "You sure as hell didn't STOP it, did ya?" He shook his head, "No, you didn't. You *helped* her hurt me, so as far as I'm concerned, you're no better than..." Spike caught himself before he brought *that* up. "As far as I'm concerned, *you* were the one with the whip."
Angelus saw the hate flood his childe's eyes again as Will continued, "And whatever part of me that might have cared a little about you once died the first time you raped me, along with whatever trust you had from me. And we both know now that you're stronger, so you can do whatever you want to me, and there's nothing I can do to stop you. So I won't fight you, it's pointless. But don't wait for me to want it, or like it, because those things are *never* going to happen again. Just take *both* know what you want from me, it doesn't matter. I don't *care* anymore. Just do it and get it over with, and then leave me in peace again."
"Will, contrary to your opinion, I have no interest in forcing myself on you," Angelus replied, with a growl of irritation.
"Well that's the *only* way you'll get me back in your bed. Ever. Again," Spike replied calmly, and then walked out, past his sire.
Angelus sat down on the bed for a moment, resisting the urge to follow his boy. He needed to think. He refused to accept that the only way he'd ever have William again was by forcing him. There *had* to be *something* he could do to help his childe see how important he was. Because he *was* very important to Angelus. It had taken him a while to face that he was developing a very strong attachment to William, more than what he'd felt for his other childer in the past. As he sat there, he understood that Will didn't realize that. How could he? After what Darla had forced him to do that night, after the rapes, he could understand how his childe would feel that he meant nothing to Angelus, other than a body to use for physical pleasure. And the rapes had given him physical pleasure, he couldn't deny that. But also, in those long hours, the heart he'd once thought had died along with his body had hurt for the first time in his existence as a vampire.
*Whatever I felt or feel now for Will isn't as important as winning back his willing submission and obedience,* he argued with himself. *I have to figure out how to get through that wall he's put up between us. And I will, it'll just take some thinking.* He returned to his room, sat in a chair by the fireplace and looked into the fire. There had to be a way, somehow, to get his William back.
************
Spike returned to his room when he heard Angelus back in his own room. He couldn't lock his door, since it was no longer attached to the frame, but he wasn't worried. He knew that their earlier argument was over, for the moment anyway. And even if it weren't, it didn't matter. He felt like hell, although he'd drunk a half a bottle of wine in an attempt to dull the pain. Angelus had opened new wounds and caused the re-emergence of feelings he thought he'd managed to push aside. Those feelings burned worse than those from the physical wounds. He needed to make it go away again. He had to forget the way he'd felt in Angelus' arms. So right. So safe.
*Bloody hell, SAFE? Not safe. That delusion only leads to pain!* he tried to convince himself. He hated what he'd become. He was as much a failure as a vampire as he'd been as a mortal. He had no power; it had all been an illusion. He was that same weakling he'd been as a human.
It was worse now, however. Because now he was immortal and would live forever as Angelus' whore. *That* was what he was now, what he had to look forward to. Even if he didn't want that eternity, he couldn't escape it. He wouldn't kill himself, because Drusilla needed him. He couldn't leave, either, because of the same reasons. She'd never leave, so neither would he.
He downed another large portion of the bottle. He couldn't make the pain go away permanently, but he knew how to get rid of it for a while. And perhaps, someday, he'd be able to bury the earlier happier memories deep enough inside him so that he could forget. He had to be able to bear eternity as being a nothing, just the same thing he'd been while human.
**************
Several hours later, Angelus was growing restless. He hadn't managed to come up with any answers as to how to deal with William. He was frustrated and certain that his irritation was not helping matters any. So he decided to go hunting. If he cleared his mind by working out some of that pent up frustration , then perhaps he'd be able to think of something later.
He reached the city square within ten minutes. He paused, considering his options. He saw a flash of brunette hair pulled back in a ribbon and turned to regard the human who was walking away from him. The boy seemed familiar, somehow. Angelus followed, intrigued.
He smiled when he caught the scent of fear. The young man felt he was being followed. He nearly laughed when the human ducked into an alleyway, making the pursuit far too easy. Angelus walked into the alley and gasped in surprise.
"Will?"
It took him a moment, but he registered the difference. This was his boy all right, but Will was breathing, his heart was beating. Angelus stepped closer and William moved back warily.
"What is this?" Angelus asked, curious.
Will shrugged. "You should be asking yourself that question."
"How so?" Angelus wondered, as he continued to walk closer to the boy. He inhaled deeply and smiled at the scent of desire. No fear this time? That was interesting.
Will's back hit the wall and Angelus pounced. He pressed himself against the younger man and kissed him, not waiting for an answer to his question. They both moaned as tongues and teeth collided in a passionate kiss. Angelus felt his growing erection and ground his hips against his boy's. He smiled at Will's whimper of desire. He'd gone too long without having his childe, so he was surprised *and* irritated when he was pushed away. "What?!"
"Why here, Angelus?" Will asked, his expression one of confusion. "Why now?"
Angelus frowned. He wan't sure what was going on but he couldn't make himself care, either. He only knew he had his childe back... or soon would, anyway. Perhaps this was a second chance. And in that case, he wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. He'd do everything different and have his William with him forever, without the distrust and anger to get in the way.
He reached out and caressed the young man's cheek. "It doesn't matter, my boy," he smiled. "We're here, so we might as well take advantage of the situation." He leaned in to nibble at Will's throat, inhaling the growing scent of the young man's desire.
"I remember how you were that night..." Will murmured as he wrapped his arms around Angelus' waist. "So patient. So persuasive. You made me want you. I'd never looked at any man that way before, but I wanted you more that night than I'd ever wanted anything. If only it had been real...." he sighed.
Angelus looked up at Will's face, confused. "It *was* real," he insisted. "I seduced you that night because I wanted you, Will, to be mine forever. That hasn't changed." He leaned in for a kiss, but the boy had gone. Vanished. "WILL!"
He sat up, feeling disoriented. *All a dream,* he realized with a sigh. Even though the feeling of Will's body in his arms, pressed up against him, the taste of his lips... it had been all too real. The memories lingered as Angelus sat back in his chair with a sigh. As disappointed as he was to discover he'd only been dreaming, it *had* left him with a renewed sense of determination, though. He couldn't give up. He wanted - needed- his boy back in his arms, back in his bed.
And finally, it hit him. He'd dreamt of that night for a reason. He had to make Will see that he hadn't deceived him about who he was, as he now obviously believed. He had to convince his childe that the torture had been a result of *Darla's* feelings about William, not Angelus'.
Angelus knew he could manage this task, although he would have to be patient, more patient than he cared to be as a general rule. It would also take some time. But the result, if he succeeded, would be well worth it. Three weeks alone together was more than enough time in which to seduce William. Angelus had never failed to get what he wanted, and he wasn't about to fail now. He began to get ready for bed, making plans for the next several days.